Happy 17th Tanjal – Welcome to the world of making Choices – Decisions and learning to learn

Tanjal ,

Last year on your 16th Birthday- I wrote a letter to you penning my thoughts and promised to add some more thoughts this year.  Nothing more significant than this year on your 17th Birthday to share them.

Lately I’ve found myself consumed with a confusing mix of emotions as I think about this, your last year of school. My guess is that this will be a year of many “lasts” for you – may be your last year at home, your last school farewell, your last year of math tuitions, etc. I know these are things you’ve been thinking about too.

The hardest part for me has been thinking about the new kind of “goodbye” I’m going to have to learn how to say when both of us drop you off at the choice of your college next year. That will be an exciting time of new beginnings for you and it will be one of those parent/child conversations I’m sure none of us will ever forget.

As I make a deliberate effort to enjoy your final school year with you while learning to “let go” of my only child for the first time, I’ve found myself thinking back over the years to the many wonderful conversations and times we’ve spent together. Those memories always start with May 13t, 2006, and the moment I held you for the first time. That moment seems like yesterday to me.

I hope you agree that most of our conversations have been good. Some, we probably both regret. As you’ve grown up, our conversations haven’t always been as humorous or positive. We’ve disagreed, argued, and been frustrated with each other. That’s normal. But, while I know you sometimes get tired of hearing my voice – all my instructions, and never-ending questions. Yes, I’ll continue to offer my advice regardless of whether or not you ask for it. Some call it “a father’s privilege.” I think it’s something more like “a father’s love.” So once again, I want to show my love for you by passing on some words to a daughter who has brought me such great joy through her passion for life, creativity, and yes – even her impulsive spontaneity!

You have already entered the phase of life called “TEENAGE”. This phase acts as the foundation for our adult life later. This phase is more interesting than childhood and adulthood for three reasons.

In childhood, all our emotions aren’t developed fully and also our ability to comprehend the world around us is limited. In Adulthood, we are fully developed and understand the world much better, we have responsibilities towards self and family which constrain us from enjoying the life fully. Teenage is the only time where we are sufficiently developed to understand most of the world around us and also we have no responsibilities, thereby allowing us to enjoy the life fully.

This is also the most fascinating period of your life since it is charged with very high levels of emotional turbulence. You will experience all emotions of life with full intensity during this phase of life which lasts for 6 to 7 years. So I want you to enjoy this phase at it’s best since you will never get it back.

During childhood, we experience dreams when we sleep. Whereas in Teenage life we experience dreams while we are awake. This is a real gift of life for this phase. You can dream whatever you want to dream about; from most inspiring to the most despairing; and the best part is you can make the choices.

Since it is a very dreamy phase, you will find it difficult to come to terms with life’s realities. Trust me we all have gone through this phase and we have experienced it the same way that you will be experiencing it. However, you will still feel that no one understands you better than your teenage friends who will be able to relate and empathize with you better.

Your feelings will get stronger and stronger that parents cannot understand what you are going through. But trust me beta, we will understand it very much but would not be able to empathize with you like your friends because we would be able to strike the balance between the dreams and practicality.

Many of your real life experiences you will feel the same so go out boldly into this phase and dream big. Do not put limitations on your dreams and choose a dream that you would like to follow for the rest of your life.

This is the phase of your life wherein you will try to find out or create your own identity in this world.

As part of this process, you will be tempted to try different behaviours, styles or fashions to check what best suits you. You will have a strong desire to feel important amongst your friends or whom you value to get social acceptance from them. This desire may force you to do many silly things and you won’t mind doing it to get social acceptance amongst your friends. Friends also help us to share our feelings, emotions, ideas, joys, sorrows, aspirations and fears and also provide us with regular feedback. Therefore, it is important to have friends and it is more important to have the right friends. Since friendship is beyond age and relationship.  If you are able to make friends with good people, you will automatically do good things to get acceptance from them. Friends have a very big influence on us during this phase of life. So find your true self. accept a personality which comes naturally to you without putting on any mask or making special efforts. Make friendship with those who accept you the way you naturally are and without any demands or conditions because those are your real friends. It does not matter what the world thinks about you, what truly matters is what you think of you. So love yourself the most and be proud of what you are.

This is also the phase in which you will need more independence and freedom and we, the parents, will be hesitant to let you do everything the way you want because of differences in opinion of what is right and what is wrong between us. Our advice will stem purely from the concern for you so you may not like it. Therefore, my request is don’t hate it…just listen and keep your communication open with us. You will understand it when you grow up as to why we were saying what we were saying to you. Always keep in mind that the rights bestowed upon you by the freedom also accompany responsibilities. So enjoy your newfound freedom responsibly.

Since this is the phase you can dream…dream big. Don’t put restrictions on your dreams. Whatever you dream during this phase of life and if you believe it strongly, you will achieve it. The only difference between all the successful people and not-so-successful people in the world is that those who nurtured their dreams with hard work and discipline realized their dreams. Those who only dreamt without any hard work or discipline to support their dreams did not realize their dreams.

It is not easy to bring discipline in life during this phase since your mind will always be wandering from one thought to another like a butterfly moving from one flower to another. It is difficult to control our mind during this phase so work towards that.

As this phase is the foundation of life for future years, ensure to eat well, sleep well, play well and exercise well. Always remember that a healthy mind prefers to reside in a healthy body. So we must take care of our body and make it strong with good food and exercise.

I am always there for you to be your friend if you believe in me,  you can use me to bounce all your thoughts, doubts, and questions, however, stupid or embarrassing they may sound to you. I will try to share my experiences with you to help you find your path but you are the one to start making conscious choices in your life from NOW ON.

So welcome to the world of making Choices – Decisions and learning to learn from their Impacts on your life from this year onwards.  

Happy 17th !   

Love.. Always.